Parenting News You Can Use! January 22, 2013

Parenting News You Can Use!
January 22, 2013
Volume 7, Issue 3
Publisher: INCAF
E-Mail: docdebfry@earthlink.net
www.deborah-fry.com or www.incaf.com
A Certified Redirecting Children’s Behavior™ Company

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IN THIS ISSUE:
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Welcome!
1. Decoding Your Child’s SOS
2. Praise Junkies
3. So What?
4. How to Enjoy Piano Practice
5. Redirecting Children’s Behavior Course Schedule Winter/ Spring 2013
Where Am I Speaking in January?

Welcome!
One of the reasons many parents take Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) is to improve communication within their family. There are components to communication – your words, your body language, and your tone of voice. There is also a background message. Kelly Bryson, author of Don’t Be Nice, Be Real, says, “All communication is either an SOS or a care package.” In RCB, we talk about a child’s behavior as communication – an expression of a need that is not being met. What need is not being met when a child shoves his sister, consistently tries to out-do their friends, or distorts or over-dramatizes something that has happened? Our job as a parent is to decipher the need that our child is expressing through his behavior.

The following articles will assist you in decoding what your child is communicating; in understanding a shift in communication that moves away from praise (remember the difference between praise and encouragement from RCB? That’s what we are talking about!), and in framing your communication so that you are heard.

Read on and enjoy!

1. Decoding Your Child’s SOS
Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting talks about the message behind “acting out” which she defines not as “misbehavior” but as “to act out a feeling that you can’t express in words.” Her decoding of typical challenging behaviors is brilliant! Read more here.

2. Praise Junkies
Amanda Morgan of Not Just Cute writes beautifully and thoroughly – with many links to other articles, books, and videos – about the impact of praise. She talks about how to communicate with and inspire children usingwhat we in RCB term encouragement. Read more here.

3. So What?
By Wes Hopper

“We only pay attention to what is of value to us.” Dr Robert Anthony

Here’s a tip that will help you if you have a business to advertise, or want to introduce yourself at a networking meeting. Or you want your kids or your spouse to do something. You will only get their attention if you address their needs.

Anything you say that starts with I or me is a loser. When you start with ‘you’ you’re on the right track.

It’s so common to start with these:

“My name is…”
“My business is …”
“What we do is…”
“What I want is…”

Just be aware that when you do, all your listeners have this little voice inside saying, “so what?” Even your kids and your spouse can think this way. And at that point you’ve lost your audience. They’ve stopped hearing you.

So try a different approach. When you make a request or an announcement, put it in terms of what’s in it for them. What are the good results they can expect? When people see the benefit they become much more cooperative. It’s a good exercise for you, to see how you can create situations where everyone benefits.

People will say, “Oh you’re so persuasive!” And it’s true.

If everyone benefits, it’s ethical, too.

Try it. You’ll be grateful you did!

4. How to Enjoy Piano Practice
Keiko Sato-Perry writes about a shift in communicating with her son about piano practice. She found a way to express herself without the lectures, demands, or guilt. And the results are terrific! Read more here.